Men, we need to talk.

Across Australia there has been the most recent mobilisation of people calling for an end of violence against women. This mass movement has been triggered by the recent wave of killings of women, mostly by their intimate or recent partners. This is in addition to the horrific event at Bondi Junction in Sydney, with the person responsible intentionally targeting women.

Whilst the murder of women by an intimate partner in Australia been in decline since the 1990s, there are periods where this downward trend changes. Over the past year, there has been an almost 30 per cent increase in the number of women killed by an intimate partner. Since the start of 2024, 25 women have died of gender-based violence. The majority of women killed are from First Nations communities, reflecting the ongoing crisis caused by the trauma of genocide, displacement from land and culture and neo-colonialism. This form of gender-based violence is in addition to the estimated 3.8 million people across Australia who have reported experiencing physical and/or sexual family and domestic violence since the age of 15, which accounts for almost 20 per cent of Australia’s population.

Australia’s largest mental health service, Lifeline Australia, has reported 4,500 calls, text and webchats on this past Sunday alone – a record, coinciding with the renewed spotlight on the severity of violence against women in Australia. Unlike previous protests of this kind, Australia’s Prime Minister attended and spoke at the event. Further, the number of men attending these protests and speaking out about gender-based violence has slowly increased too.

I write this now not to share a bleak picture of what is happening across Australia, but as a call for men to use this collective awakening as an invitation to tend to the pain that causes such behaviour. My door is open to anyone is who is drawn to breathwork or therapy, but in recent years I’ve intentionally focused on men in recognition of the level of suffering and distress experienced by them.

Men are much more emotionally and socially isolated than women. Men often are unable to identify, let alone feel their emotions. Social expectations, based on outdated ideas of masculinity lead men to this isolation and internalised stress. Relationship strains, work-related stress, financial pressures and the relentless pressure-cooker that is the modern dysfunctional world all create this perfect storm that unravels the inner stability of men. Further, men today are experiencing a crisis of meaning and purpose in this rapidly changing world. These factors, interwoven with both “bit T” and “little t” trauma, create the foundations and fertiliser for this gender-based violence. Should a man inflict violence upon their partner or children, it is commonly followed by immense shame and guilt. Without the capacity or support to process these feelings, they are compounded over time and add to the pre-existing emotional turmoil and stress held within the body.

If you are someone experiencing these challenges, or are grappling with the shame and guilt of having inflicted violence, then I encourage you to please reach out for support. You can be supported to change these patterns of behaviour and come to understand and process what causes them. In the right environment that is safe and supportive, you can feel your feelings, and in time, express them without judgement or shame. You can heal. Further, you will contribute to the collective healing that is taking place within the hearts and minds of men throughout this world. This is both a gift to you and a gift to future generations of men.

Men, it's time for us to talk. More importantly, it is time for us to feel.